Self Improvement – Self Esteem

So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?

Dart Pin #1 : Negative Work Environment

Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.

Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior

Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme.

Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment

You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.

Dart Pin #4: Past Experience

It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

Dart Pin #5: Negative World View

Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.

Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory

The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you may want to wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn’t come down from heaven and tell you – “George, you may now have the permission to build self esteem and improve your self.”

In life, its hard to stay tough specially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. Along the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change’. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.

What Do Our Top 10 Fears Say About Us?

People are strange, don't you think! They worry about this and they worry about that. And then 'this' and 'that' usually never ends up happening. But whilst they were worrying about something that didn't happen, a few more minutes or hours or days of their lives passed by. As Homer J Simpson would say: "D'oh!"

And it's the same when it comes to people's top 10 fears, really.

So just why do people have these fears - why are these fears so common, and what do these fears say about us? (And when I say 'people' I'm really talking about you, and about me.)

Well, that's what I want this article to discuss. So let's get going with those top 10 fears...

1. FEAR OF FLYING

Well, this is basically a control fear. As everybody knows that flying is a safer form of travelling than driving a car, but still most people are more fearful of flying in a plane than of the journey to the airport by car. And all because *they're* in control of their car but they're not in control of the plane.

So fear of flying is fear of not being in control.

2. FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

This fear is all about fear of looking a fool in public, of looking like you're not in control. And that boils down to fear of what other people think about you. Which is a bit of a daft fear as you really can't control what people think about you.

No, the only solution here is to believe in yourself (and your own thoughts of your self) and to practice public speaking skills (obviously). Then do your best, and enjoy! Oh, and learn from the public speaking experience so you can improve.

3. FEAR OF INTIMACY

Again, this is another of those combinations of fears. In this case, this is really fear of the unknown and fear of rejection, and it maybe even includes a fear of making a fool of yourself and of fearing what other people might think - should the relationship eventually fail.

The thing is, intimacy is a part of growth, of growing up as an adult - it is evidence of a maturing life. So fear of intimacy is actually a form of fear of life. And fear of life is not a good thing, obviously.

4. FEAR OF DEATH

Fear of death is not a good thing, either - not if you let it overly control your life, anyway. (Clearly, fear of being knocked down by a speeding car as you cross the road is a sensible fear, as it helps you avoid actually dying.)

Any fear, to be of any use, should protect you whilst allowing you to grow and experience life fully. If your fear of death doesn't help you do this then you should seek professional help, I politely suggest.

5. FEAR OF FAILURE

Ah, fear of failure - the fear of starting something just in case you don't succeed in finishing it! If we had this fear as a child then we'd never have learnt to walk for the first time, or to speak, or to pretty much do anything that we take for granted in our lives, today. And yet we allow ourselves to be limited by the false 'pain' of failure.

Failure is a myth, I believe, and you only truly fail when you quit! So this fear is really a fear of quitting, but nobody has such a fear, do they? Doesn't make sense, fear of quitting, does it? No, and that's why fear of failure doesn't make sense either.

So, whilst I understand where this fear comes from it's important to challenge this fear at all times. And the best way to do this, the antidote to fear of failure, is to take action. (Go on, do it now!)

6. FEAR OF REJECTION

This fear is all about pain avoidance. For all of us have (probably) been rejected in one relationship or another, and all of us have subsequently suffered from rejection pain too. And then we've all vowed to never feel that pain, again. And whilst I agree that this pain is not pleasant, it's definitely an experience we can learn from. But, more importantly, we have all ultimately survived the rejection. Haven't we!

So it's important to be aware that you have this fear (as I am) but then it's important to do something about it; i.e. challenge the fear, somehow. Otherwise, your life WILL be 'less'.

7. FEAR OF HEIGHTS

Hmm, I think this is more a fear of death, really, or a 'fear of jumping off'. And that isn't such a daft thing to be frightened of, as fooling around and then slipping off the edge of a thousand foot cliff may well be painful, to say the least.

So this fear is understandable as long as you don't let it ruin (or limit) your life too much.

8. FEAR OF THE DARK

This is one of those classic fears learned in childhood. Fear of the dark is really fear of unknown, as well as fear of abandonment (one of the few innate fears we have).

I think fear of the dark should not be an issue when the child becomes an adult, so I'm a little puzzled why this is in top 10 most common fears. (It should be one of the top 10 strange fears, instead.)

9. FEAR OF SPIDERS

This is definitely the 'silliest' of the top 10 fears. It's about as daft as an elephant being afraid of a mouse, really. But what's really going on here is...

Well I don't know, to be honest. I have no idea where this fear comes from, other than from an early childhood memory. I urge all sufferers to get help or to visit Africa where the spiders are so big that your fear of small spiders, at least, is bound to diminish...

10. FEAR OF COMMITMENT

This is the last of the top 10 fears. It's really the fear of making the wrong choice. However, a life lived properly is a life where choices have to be made (even not making a choice is making a choice, of sorts, if you think about it). And I believe that most long term choices prove to be more satisfying (and 'growthful') than short term ones; i.e. commitment is good for you!

---

Hmm, so what exactly *do* our top 10 fears reveal about us, then?

Well, I think we are all prone to the odd irrational fear. I think we like to have control in our lives and fear the loss of that control. But most of all we fear what other people will think about us. Which is another way of saying that most of us lack self-love - because the most important thoughts about us should be our own thoughts.

And so I recommend that all of these fears - even the fear of spiders - be challenged, and faced up to. Because when you say 'no' to fear of failure or fear of public speaking or fear of intimacy, then you're really saying 'yes' to your life, 'yes' to growing and to loving yourself more!

And when you love yourself more, you are able to love everyone else more in the process.

And no-one's afraid of love, are they?...

So say 'yes' to love and 'no' to fear.

Well, that's what I say, anyway, and I think that's what Ralph Waldo Emmerson says, too...

"The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but deliverance from fear"
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How to Use Healthy Eating Habits to Promote A Positive Attitude

Your diet can have a lot to do with the way you feel on a daily basis. A balanced diet can make you feel good everyday and positive. If you drink too much soda you might create a caffeine addiction which causes headaches. This can not only cause a bad attitude because you have a headache but you also won't be motivated to do anything either.

Eating a balanced and healthy diet means cutting out the fatty foods, the sugars, alcohol, and other things that get you down. A balanced diet can help you lose weight too. Being overweight can be a factor that causes you to be unhappy with yourself and have a negative attitude. The best diet is one full of fruits, vegetables, fish and chicken, and a lot of water. Watch your portion sizes too. If you are consuming the right foods you might just need to cut down on the sizes of portions you eat.

Exercise is also important to have a good attitude. Everyone should exercise on a daily basis. You should take at least 15 minutes of everyday to exercise. You don't have to do aerobics or something too strenuous. Walking is the best thing you can do for your body. A brisk 15 minute walk everyday will make you feel great and completely change your attitude. This will also make you motivated and create a positive attitude about the directions you can go in your life.

If you are someone who is restricted to a desk for a large portion of your day and you don't think you have time to exercise that is just an excuse. There are desk exercises you can do while you are sitting at your desk. During your lunch hour you might choose to walk around the exterior of the building or even in the hallways of the interior of the building too. The stairs at your walk could create an excellent workout also.

Survive the Negative and Inspire the Positive

You might feel great and positive. Be sure to transmit your attitude to others around you and when you are indirectly talking to people too. A positive attitude is addicting and people will enjoy spending time around you. They will feel good too. This can help you move up in the corporate world too.

When you have a positive attitude you need to transmit it to others. This also includes when you are on the phone or on the computer. It is common for a communication disconnect to occur when you are over the phone. You might be tired or not even notice to the other person you are coming off rude. Transmit your positive attitude to others when you talk to them on the phone. This is healthy for you and it will make the other person feel good about you.

Let People Know You Care

One of the ways you can be more motivated and feel great about yourself on a daily basis is to let people know that you care. Just like the little things in life that you enjoy so much it is the little things you can do to make others feel great too. You don't have to get credit for these things. You will feel great making someone else feel good. Sometimes you will feel even better doing things for people without them knowing who it is.

When you do things for others it can be a number of things. You might consider sending token items to friends and family like cards and flowers. Anyone you care about you should always let them know that you care. You don't have to buy items and spend money. If you don't have money to spend there are other ways to do nice things for people. These things might include something simple like pouring them a cup of coffee, washing their car, or anything else.

Letting people know you care about them is important to them but it also will make you feel good. You should always let people know that you care and you appreciate them. There are so many ways you can let people know that you care and you don't have to spend money either.

How to Survive Daily Pressures and Stay Positive

You must remain positive. Life is tough and you need to get used to it. As soon as you stop thinking life is so difficult you will find it becomes so much easier. Don't focus on how difficult life is. Deal with the difficulties of life.

A positive attitude is vital to make it through your days and be motivated. When you are positive about certain events and circumstances that you often deem too tough you will make it through the obstacles much easier.

The most important thing you need to remember about your attitude is that once you realize you cannot choose and control the circumstances. You do have total control over the attitude toward circumstances you face. You can maintain a positive attitude. A positive attitude will help you feel so much better about certain circumstances as you come across them and they won't feel so difficult.

One of the things to remember is that you need to slow down every now and then and take a break. Give yourself the time to reload the energy and recharge your batteries. Taking a break means giving yourself a moment to relax. This doesn't mean get caught up into a realm of procrastination. If you have a bad habit of getting drawn into a television then do not take a break in front of the TV. Be sure the break you take is for a short while but doesn't lead into a problem.

If you have a big family and the house is often chaotic the 'me' time is very important. Chances are good you have to wait until all of the children are asleep or early in the morning before they wake up. If you have to schedule this time for yourself you should. You will be surprised how amazing just a little bit of time to yourself each day will help you feel more motivated to face situations.

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Help for Anxiety, Phobias, OCD and Depression

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