Behvioural Patterns

There are two basic types of behaviors in relationships: dominance and submissiveness. Dominance is often referred to as one-up, while submissiveness, one-down. In some relationships, the two are complementary--one individual is one-up, the other one-down--and the relationship is rewarding. Other relationships are symmetrical, where both parties are one-up or both are one-down. Problems can result when individuals feel trapped by their role as the dominant or submissive member of the relationship. Flexibility can help both partners enjoy the relationship.

Whenever we communicate with someone else, we open ourselves up for rejection. The other individual can accept what we say or reject what we say. Researcher Evelyn Sieburg19 has identified seven "disconfirming" responses that reject the other individual. Impervious: Failing to acknowledge the other person. Interrupting: Cutting the other's message short. Irrelevant: Giving a response that is unrelated to what the other has said. Tangential: Briefly responding to the other's message. Impersonal: Responding by using formal, jargon-laden language. Incoherent: Responding with a rambling, difficult to understand message. Incongruous: Giving contradictory verbal and nonverbal messages.

A third type of relational pattern is a spiral. "In a spiral, one partner's behavior intensifies that of the other"20. Spirals can be progressive, in which one partner's behavior leads to increasing levels of satisfaction for the other. Spirals can also be regressive, where one partner's communication leads to increasing dissatisfaction. Stopping regressive spirals from getting out of control depends on the open communication between the two individuals.

A final type of relational pattern is dependencies and counter dependencies. In a dependency relationship, one individual sees himself or herself relying on another person for something. Soon, he or she agrees with whatever the other says or does. In a counter dependency, one individual sees himself or herself as not being dependent on the other. Thus, he or she disagrees with the other quite frequently